upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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