I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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