College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
