areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
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I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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