Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
