Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
