none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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