it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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