OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
