Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
