I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
