I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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