He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
