I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
