I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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