Your mouth is God's brothel.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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