I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
