omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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