I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
