Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize