She said her name was "party"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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