Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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