I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
