3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize