Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
