Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We have so much sex to catch up on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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