Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
