Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
