sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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