I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
