I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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