I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
