I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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