last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
