Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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