She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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