Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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