thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
