Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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