Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
