ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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