He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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