the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
