whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
