Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
