all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
