I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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