peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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