she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
