Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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