I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
