every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize