so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
