her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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