I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
