I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pants are for mortals
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
