I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
