Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
