Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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