fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
