Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Terrible idea I love it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
