He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
