You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
