I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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