She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she peed on how many people?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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