So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
