If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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