I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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