i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
