I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A+ Viking dick
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
